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A Guide to Ghosting

October 25, 2016

 

It’s happened to you, right? You’ve been investing time, energy and most likely feelings in someone you’re dating when *poof* they disappear, seemingly off the face of the earth. Obviously, upon further investigation, it can be easily discovered that they were online on WhatsApp not an hour prior and their Snapchat story is fully up to date with daily events. SO, if they find the time to check their messages and take a picture of their homemade ramen – why aren’t they texting you back?

 

In light of this week being Halloween – my very favourite annual event, I am taking a look into ghosting. Whilst not technically ‘ghoulish’, it’s a behaviour nothing short of bizarre and cruel.

 

As petty as those of you who haven’t been ghosted might dub this, it’s actually pretty heart-breaking. It is a totally selfish act, usually carried out by someone struggling with their own issues – most of the time, commitment based. It’s thought that almost 80% of our generation have experienced ghosting. I know I have been a multi-victim. In such a sociable society and at the rate that young people meet new acquaintances, can something like ghosting really hit us that hard? Well, yes. Not only is it a swift blow to the ego, but it is painfully frustrating to have given someone so much only for them to take that, and run to the hills. Roadrunner style. But ghosting isn’t restricted to millennials; remember when our gal Carrie was broken up with via post-it note? Ouch.

 

So WHY, why is it so hard to come to terms with? It’s hard to give a more descriptive reason than ‘BECAUSE IT’S REALLY SHIT WHEN SOMEONE DOESN’T LIKE YOU BACK’. And, you know, when they are too much of a coward to give you a reason for silently fucking off. In truth, it probably taps into our deepest underlying fear of abandonment. While the perpetrators might see ghosting as the easy way out, our unrequited search for the reason ‘why’ nearly always leads to increasing anger, hurt and confrontation. Consider that before you slide OUT of her DMs.

 

Most importantly, for the ghostee, is that you don’t come across too desperate. This comes from someone who’s found herself in multiple situations, staring at her phone, wondering how she managed 56 outgoing Facetimes in less than 12 hours, simultaneously with numerous naked Snapchats (almost always followed with ‘oops, sorry – not for you!), not-so-subtle likes on 14 week old Instagram posts and ‘poking’ on Facebook. Instead of resorting back to the wine and searching for that tub of Ben & Jerry’s you forgot was consumed the last time this happened, own it. As I harp on about at the end of anyone’s relationship – after you’ve binge watched every Katherine Heigl movie and cried over your high-school sweetheart’s engagement announcement on Facebook, pulling yourself together is way overdue. There is no time like that following a break up to discover the best version of you. Focus on your career, buy a new houseplant or get a haircut – whatever you do, do it selfishly and without a second thought about the asshole who lost you.  

 

It’s fucking awful pretending you don’t care, but that’s your best bet. After they haven’t replied to maximum three messages – cut that fucker off. And don’t do that desperate move where you’ve memorised their dad’s birthday or anniversary of their cousin’s wedding and use it as an opportunity to ‘reconnect’. They will always text you if they want to, but keep the ball in your court. It is highly unlikely that someone who has made the conscious decision to sack you off will change their mind following a multitude of contact attempts. Hold your head high – you got this.

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