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Tuesday 18th June 2019

June 18, 2019

Well howdy! It’s been a hot minute, but I am still here and have missed our weekly updates. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been to Edinburgh with my gal pals, saw Spice Girls live (and wept in awe at how goddamn amazing it was), ate, drank, celebrated my brother’s 18th birthday, talked to my therapist, ate and drank some more, danced my tits off and spent a lot of time on the sofa, wrapped in a duvet and the arms of my beloved, watching Lost. All in all, I can’t really complain.


And it’s SUMMER! At long fucking last. And I am off on my holibobs in just over two weeks – can I get a hell yeah for sun, sand and sea? I am buzzing my tits off to spend 14 days wearing nothing but swimwear and eating nothing but seafood and bread. But before then, I’m going camping. Pick those jaws up from the floor, I can manage one night in a tent, right? Right?!?!?! I am going with my fella as, four years into our budding relationship, we have never actually been away just the two of us. So to ease ourselves in, we’re going into the wilderness to re-connect. I am actually so excited, and would 10/10 recommend to anyone else in a relationship. Whilst it often doesn’t feel like it (but also, bloody often does), relationships take a lot of work. It is so easy to become disconnected from someone, especially when you find yourself plodding through your relationship.


Y’all gotta wake up and work for it. Make time for your partnership to do something nice or something new. Focus on things that make you both happy. Open yourself to asking and actually listening to their answers, problems and questions. It’s tough as shit trying to pave your way in this world alone, so it will always be that much harder trying to do so whilst remaining compatible with another person. But I believe in you all, just like I believe in myself and my relationship. Nothing worth having comes easy, and it will soon become apparent whether or not what you’ve got is worth keeping.


Are you people watching Love Island this year? I’m still trying to get into it, after my initial shock horror at their ‘plus size’ contestant shocking tabloids everywhere. Fuck off. Whilst absolutely gorgeous, she’s a size 12 at max. Also, are we all taking note of Joe’s complete emotional abuse of poor Lucie? Ever since day dot and his reaction to Lucie suggesting she might get to know other people, three days after knowing him, I could tell he was bad news. I was put off him straight away, and his sheer manipulation of her and her other relationships (fueling the drama with Amy and stating that her friendship with Tommy made him angry and uncomfortable) makes it explicitly clear that he is bad fucking news. Whilst it’s amazing that so many of the public have noticed and spoken out about these early signs, Love Island really need to pull their finger out and do something about it. Other than that, it’s pretty much the same as every year gone by; the girls are immaculately slim, tanned and gorgeous, the boys look like they’ve never touched a KFC in their lives and everyone is slightly too faced and showing only their best selves to the gawping British public, who lap it up for an hour every night. I’m one of them, so please don't take offence here. 


I know I have a boyfriend that I absolutely adore and want to stay with forever and ever, but I would jump at the chance to go on Love Island. Not to bed down with someone else or make friends with a sexy scientist, but to show the British public something that they can relate to. I’d like to bowl in, cellulite and nowhere-near-flat stomach in full view, and let the good people at home watch me get sunburnt, talk about my period and refuse to put fucking eyelashes and fake tan on for a few hours in the garden every evening. And I think I’d smash it. We probably need a little more ‘normality’, given that 3.7million (based on stats from the opening episode of 2019) or so of us are tuning in every night. We never really see them eat (unless it’s Anton’s routinely 9pm rice cake) and we never really see them fart or shave their armpits or engage in conversation about anything but each other. You know, the kind of things that everyone else does every day.


Never mind.


I’ve got my in laws staying with me towards the end of this week, and then a nice quiet weekend to follow. And I am buzzzinnnngggggg. A Saturday night in? At home? Without countless shots of Tequila? Count me the fuck in. 


Have beautiful weeks, beautiful people x



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